Friday, 13 May 2016

#gettingmarriedsoon - that's soon but not soon enough!

Breaking news... life moves fast. It is ridiculous how fast. One minute you're getting engaged in the rain and talking about emigrating, filling in the forms. Then the next it is 19 days till the big day you have spent your entire life dreaming about and only a few months before you pack up and set sail to the 'big V'. This Sweet 2016 is rushing by and I am stood gasping for breath. How do I deal with it? I watch Sex and the City back-to-back, (that's after I have packed up the entire apartment five months before we are actually moving). So with many deadlines approaching, panic onsetting all I can do is sit in my pyjamas and watch TV! I ask you what the Hell am I doing?

I am waiting... waiting sucks! I have been waiting to use my new Nars and Laura Mercier makeup since January! Waiting to wear my new clothes and shoes that I bought on our shopping spree in London two months ago. Waiting to have a hair cut since February and it gets worse! Now I have to wait to get a wax, a manicure and my hair dyed all because of timing. Everything is down to a fine art of planning and I can't do anything to throw it off. An unscheduled wax could lead to a misshapen eyebrow in the wedding photos! Although everything seems to be rushing towards me there is nothing to do! The wedding is planned. I can't find a new apartment in Vancouver as the rentals for August are not released yet. And this waiting game is sucking me dry. Waiting that has lead me to the penultimate episode of SATC season 4 which interestingly is about Carrie starting afresh with "a new do" and a new job at Vogue. Jealousy stirs within me! 

A Letdown? Writing... Writer... Perhaps... Perhaps Not? 
One of my besties recently wrote an amazing article for an equestrian magazine and talked about the difficulty of writing after our degree had ended. Sure some people had other people to fund them for a few years allowing them to write constantly and get published... not that I am jealous or anything! In fact seeing a window display in town for a fellow classmate filled me with joy and totally did not make me feel like a failure! For me working in a job that is not my dream... or anywhere near my dream, planning a wedding and a move abroad makes me procrastinate happily. Yet I can't help but wonder am I letting myself down, or more to the point letting down my fiance who fell in love with a keen, aspiring writer and now has a boring barista who naps at midday and watches sex and the city all evening? I want to be a writer but I can't finish anything. Perhaps this is to do with the waiting game. I am waiting to become a writer, waiting for my new business to off and I seem to have packed all together into the idea that once I am married and moved everything will fall into shape. The real questions is will it though? Once I am married and living in Vancouver will I not just find more things to fill my time. Most likely... if my pinterest is anything to go by decorating our newlywed apartment! Oops. The beginning of the year had started out so well I was listing and ticking off that list daily and I had started a great new short. Now I am at Season 4... season 4! How did I get here? Even as I am writing this I can hear myself saying, 'when I get to Vancouver'!! This waiting game is messing with my head. I am waiting for literally everything... if you guys have any ideas on how to shake this up let me know!

Grab the Positives
So far this blog has been about the negative. How I am a record stuck playing the same phrase over and over again! 30 years old and it is the same day dream. However, there is one area of my life that I have finally got moving in the right direction! After two years of obsessing and a few fitness phases (cycling and alike) I finally found the figure I have always wanted through exercise I actually enjoy! After weeks of looking at the two beautiful "I want to be them" women who frequent the coffee shop I asked one for Pilate's classes, (don't panic she is a trained professional). Turns out she has a reformer studio in her house which is just across the park from me. So four weeks ago I started and I am MADLY in love! It is so much fun and what's more I am beginning to get some abs and my ass looks great! Once a week I go to the studio, (walking there and back for a warm up and cool down) and then at home I use my nifty Pilate's app 3-4 times a week. I am officially ready for honeymoon... however... guess what... I have to wait for that too, (well until 2nd June)! Another reason for this new figure is of course the limbo we are in. For about two months now TidyBoy and I have lived on a diet of bread and pasta with olive oil! Our schedules are so out of whack with each other that we are never around to eat together or shop together. So what do we do? I just don't really eat! He just eats junk food as he travels around teaching! 

What to do in the now?
Everything we don't use I have packed into boxes. Everything we do I have categorised and is ready for packing. I have planned a car boot sale and the items attending it with us. I have booked my Ottawa-to-Vancouver shipment, booked in the cat for her passport appointment and every private school and community centre in the lower mainland now has my business proposal. So what is a girl to do in the now when everything around her is in limbo? I feel like Matthew McConaughey in "Interstellar" as he falls into the black hole. He can see everything and knows everything but can only do so much. As 19 days turns to 18 I can see the light at the end of my black hole. Do I wait for the spaceship to gently pass through, or am I done with procrastinating?

Didn't Chanel say, "A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life". My change is booked to start on the 8th June 2016! But perhaps tomorrow I can open my Laura Mercier powder - small steps. Its all about the small steps... especially when considering the height of my new Jimmy Choos. 

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