Tuesday, 22 November 2011

Loose Yourself in a Moment...

Where have I been? That is a very good question. I was wait-listed for Oxford University and since then have been adapting the future to suit those around me. I want to make my bro-in-law proud, my mum happy, my big bro impressed and become my big sis! So I would be a teacher, I would be a veterinary nurse, I would be a web designer. I adapted and I lost myself under frumpy clothes, short nails and comfort eating. I didn’t even realize I was missing until yesterday.

My history class asked us to write a ‘previous life’ for ourselves and I created Evelyn May a workhouse school mistress’ assistant who falls in love with a wealthy Board of Guardian’s son and gets pregnant only to be abandoned by him. I woke up this morning and felt different. I looked in the mirror and I was looking back.

For the last few months I have been sleeping late, hiding away even missing friends... I never realised why until now. Writing IS who I am. When I am not writing I am not me. My entire ‘self’ is wrapped up in what I do. I can’t do this or do that... if I do I don’t exist.

Writing is such a wild career but it is something that must be done. I can’t live without myself. Therefore, I must be who I want to be. I have got a lot to work on but it has to happen. I need to write a few more short stories, write a new script ... and find a new job.

It’s Christmas and after having my hours cut for the last two weeks I have had my entire shifts cut. Therefore, I must find somewhere else to work. This is all happening at the perfect time... My favourite time of year!

With Christmas comes New Years and therefore a New Start!!

Resolution Number One: ~ BE MYSELF = A Writer

J.K Rowling did it, Cormac McCarthey did it...

living to the extreme to simply survive as a writer.

There must be no more denying who I am, or I will be lost again...

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