WARNING JOKES IMPORTED FROM BRITAIN BELOW
Husband says to wife ‘My Olympic condoms have arrived – I think I’ll wear gold tonight’.
Wife says, ‘Why don’t you wear silver and come second for a change’.
The Prime Minister, David Cameron, has announced that he intends to make it more difficult to claim benefits. From next week, all the forms will be printed in English.
On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said ‘English speaking Doctor’ –
I thought, 'What a good idea, why don’t we have them in our country?'
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it... I thought to myself, these blokes have lost the plot!!
I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone.
"Morning." I said.
"No" he replied, "just having a wee"
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself ‘that guy’s heading for a breakdown’.